Building Healthy Boundaries
Having Healthy Personal Boundaries means taking responsibility for your own emotions, thoughts, words, and actions, while NOT taking responsibility for the emotions, thoughts, words, and actions of others.
Boundaries allow you to find a space where:
Your “no” is respected
You don’t let people take advantage of you.
You do not have to fix other people’s problems unless you truly want to.
You don’t get sucked into pointless arguments.
Not every little thing your family, partner, friends, or colleagues do bothers or worries you.
Boundaries should not be confused with control. Control is when one person seeks to limit or restrict another person.
SET YOUR BOUNDARIES
Begin early
It’s much easier to introduce boundaries at the start of or earlier on in a relationship.
Literally, set your boundaries
What will you tolerate or not tolerate in your life?
What behaviors will you accept or not accept?
Define the Consequence of the boundary being broken
Consider what the most natural consequence would be if the boundary is crossed.
Communicate your Boundaries
Two-way discussion is vital in boundary setting. Not only do these discussions help both partners understand the extent and rules of the boundary, but they provide an opportunity to explain why you value a particular boundary.
Use “I” statements. “I think” … ‘I feel”… when communicating boundaries.
- I felt really ____ when this happened
- I feel ___ when you
- If feel like ___
Follow through
When a boundary is crossed, remind the person involved of the boundary and ask for their help in maintaining it. If they continue to violate the boundary, consider what natural consequence you need to put in place to maintain the boundary.
Show Gratitude when boundaries are respected
When others honour our boundaries, it is affirming for us to notice and say thank you. Not only does this reinforce our position, but it also acknowledges the efforts of others. This kind of positive behaviour makes it more likely that our boundaries will be honoured in the future.
Be adaptable
Setting a boundary is not like building a brick wall. Healthy boundaries are flexible. This means that we can stick to them when we need to and let them go when the situation demands. It is always our decision to make this choice.
If you make a sacrifice for someone you care about, it needs to be because you want to, not because you feel obligated or because you fear the consequences of not doing it.
Personal boundaries and self-esteem go hand in hand. People with high self-esteem have strong personal boundaries. And practicing strong personal boundaries is one way to build self-esteem.
Not a single human is perfect. Learn to be gentle with yourself. Accept that you have flaws, then work on the ones that are important to change. It’s by accepting yourself as you are, and then working on yourself that you can build self-esteem. This is hard work, and it takes time.
As you come to feel higher esteem for yourself, healthy boundaries will slowly emerge in your life. You will instinctively know what you will or will not tolerate from others, you will draw the line and enforce it, and remove yourself from toxic relationships.
Bibliography
https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-healthy-relationships-always-have-boundaries-how-to-set-boundaries-in-yours
https://www.relationshipswa.org.au/Tip-sheets/Setting-Healthy-Boundaries