How to Negotiate a Compromise
1. Truly listen to the other side.
Before you can find out where the “middle ground” is, you need to know where the opposing point of view sits. What does the other person want? Why? What points are they disagreeing with you on? What makes them feel that way? Sometimes being able to understand means you can defuse the situation. Other times, your new argument may give you a good starting point to construct a compromise.
2. Understand how important the issue is to you.
Next, figure out how important this issue is to you. This should help you decide how much time and effort to invest in the compromise.
3. Learn the consequences of a “broken deal”.
What happens if the deal falls through entirely? In some cases, you’ll find that a complete surrender has minimal consequences; if this is the case, it may be worth your while to avoid the compromise process altogether and take the small hit. Alternatively, you may gain information that helps you learn how far you can extend yourself before a deal is no longer worth recovering.
4. Come up with alternatives.
Up until this point, you’ve probably thought of a prospective compromise as existing on a linear continuum, such as a higher or lower price. But be creative and think about all the options, you may arrive at a middle point that both of you find wholly beneficial (a win-win).
5. Prepare to make sacrifices, and draw a mental line.
Next, understand what you’re willing to give up. You should have a good idea, at this point, of how far you can bend without breaking, so draw that mental line in your head. Having this firm line will give you a good reference point when it comes to actual negotiations.
6. Gradually shift to the middle (but know when to walk).
When you start discussing a possible compromise, start as close to “your” side as possible, with variance based on the emotional volatility of the situation and the number of conversations you’ve had up until this point. Then, gradually walk closer to the “middle” ground, tossing in alternatives as necessary to make each side more appealing to the other. You’ll also need to bear in mind your “walk” point — the point at which you’re unwilling to negotiate further.
7. Self-regulation is important, no matter what the results.
Sometimes, you’re going to “win”. Sometimes, you’re going to lose, approaching or meeting your “walk” point, and sometimes you will surrender entirely. In any case, remain as true to your personal values as possible and regulate your emotions. You have a relationship with this person and any unnecessary negative emotions will only damage the relationship further and require bridge-building.